What Do We Look For In A Partner...

I heard something interesting in a recent conversation on dating:

“I think men & women actively look for vulnerability in partners. After all, why else would we need another person?”

Really? I don’t mean that sarcastically, I mean really, really, REALLY? That isn’t true of me.

Honest, it’s not.

I know I’ve always looked for only one thing in all my men. It’s not easy to find, which may explain the high turbulence in my love-life and I’ve made plenty, plenty, way too many mistakes. But what I’ve looked for has never changed. It has always been – STRENGTH.

Strength isn’t a simple word or quality at all. After all, how do you define strength? Of course, there’s the physical aspect of it which encompasses massive force, stamina, endurance, staying power and pain tolerance. Speaking of which, it is interesting to note that men score better than women on the first two while women seem to outrun men on the last two. A man may be able to pick a motorbike or even a car up, he may smash a wall with his fists but a woman will outlast him on situations of sustained pressure and well, a dentist’s appointment.

But there’s more of strength than the muscles. I was always drawn to a guy who was ‘the most’ in something or the other. The flashiest dude, the most mysterious one, the superbly brilliant guy (and so what if he was a geek with the social skills of cheese). In my mind, each of these extremes required a certain force of character, a certain solidness of mind. That is something I have always and will continue to respect and admire.

I looked for a man who was his own master and who wasn’t afraid of anything. Well, the last one is not as impossible as it sounds. If you are not afraid to be yourself, believe you me, you’ll not be afraid of much else. I was looking for a man just like that. Vulnerability doesn’t come into the equation then. At least, as most of us understand it, it is usually displayed as a fear of something, a weakness of a sort. That takes a man down in my eyes. Even stubbornness (which going contra to some of the personality types I outlined earlier) since an illogical attachment to any point of view is just juvenile and weak.

Okay to come back, I’m still wondering – are other people really looking for partners who exhibit the same fears as them? Or who lack in something that they themselves are good at?